


Wy' ti'n dal i weld cysgodion yn y nos?

by swnamii



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, i haven't stopped thinking about this scene since the episode finished and i'm sorry, this is probably awful but i tried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:48:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22762720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swnamii/pseuds/swnamii
Summary: A look into the Doctor's thoughts as she decides to go after the Lone Cyberman by herself.
Relationships: Twelfth Doctor & Bill Potts
Comments: 1
Kudos: 57





	Wy' ti'n dal i weld cysgodion yn y nos?

**Author's Note:**

> Because that scene in episode 8 was definitely a reference to what happened to Bill, and I love series 10 too much to let it go and stop thinking about it. 
> 
> Title from "Llwytha'r Gwn" by Candelas. (translation: Do you still see shadows in the night?)

The Doctor knows she has to do it alone. After last time, she can't risk taking anyone with her. Letting anyone get hurt. 

"Where are you going?" Yaz asks. She pauses. Considers, if only for a second. Sometimes she feels the only place her friends are safe is with her. 

_I wanted you back by my side because it's the safest place in the world._

But not now. 

"I have to find out what he's looking for. Alone," she responds. She's sure Yaz won't like the answer she's getting, but all the same she's aware of what's at stake here. How much more could be lost if she lets even one person come with her. Who could die. Who could see their humanity torn from them and replaced with cold, unfeeling steel. 

She can't let that happen. Not again. Never, ever, again. 

"You need backup. All of us against one," Yaz responds, clearly wanting to help. She's so close to taking that help. Someone to face the Cyberman with... 

No. 

_No._

Her mind flashes back to that colony ship, slowly trying to reverse away from the inescapable tug of a black hole. The memories flood into her mind, one after the next, all too much and all too clear and vibrant for her liking, the pain of loss rushing back as fresh as the time it all happened. 

First it's her and Bill talking, discussing her - or his, back then - plans for Missy. Bill's fear and apprehension that she'd failed to truly take in back then. 

_She scares me. Like, she really scares me._

Next, it's Bill lying on the floor of the ship, a hole where her heart should have been. The sinking feeling that already, all this could have been avoided if she'd just taken better care to keep everyone safe. To keep Bill safe. 

Then, of course, the Cyberman. The Cyberman that had been Bill. 

_Bill? Bill, talk to me. What have they done to you?_

The crushing guilt that had swept all over in that moment, failing yet again to keep a friend, no, _family_ , safe. 

_I waited for you._

But this time she isn't taking any chances. Nobody is coming with her, no matter what they say. 

"One Cyberman, but then thousands. Humans like all of you changed into empty, soulless shells. No feeling, no control, no way back. I will not lose anyone else to that!" It all comes out in a flood of anger and sorrow, and she can't help it. She won't see Yaz become like Bill, or see it happen to any of the others in that room. She won't. 

She won't. 

The mixture of fear and desire to help on their faces is all too familiar, and she can't take it. She might as well be looking at a room full of people with the face of that brilliant, brilliant girl, whose fate she still blames herself for. 

"Do not follow me." 

Maybe, maybe, this time she'll get it right. 


End file.
